Well, I guess it’s time for a “real” blog entry. I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the subjects of singleness and marriage recently. I am going to start off this post by giving you a little bit of my own background and testimony that God can and will do whatever it takes if it is His Will for you to be married.
My Marriage Testimony:
I was homeschooled by my Mother from K-12. We went to a small church and I didn’t know many guys who were “potentials”, and the guys I did know (with a few exceptions) always were telling me, “Karen, you are weird!” The only other major male figure in my life was my Dad and he pretty much kept to himself most of the time, and really the only time he ever talked to me he was angry with me, or wanted money --- that coupled with hearing often from guys, that I was “weird” brought me to the conclusion early in my teens that I was unlovable and that I would have to change a lot and wait a long time before a guy could ever love me. There were a few guys that showed interest in me in my teens, but I had high standards, had done a lot of reading on courtship/ Christian relationships and by God’s Grace and the Holy Spirit’s help, I didn’t seek out a guy to make me feel better about myself… I knew that I needed to wait and trust God for my future. When I was 20 years old, in our small little church, all of a sudden, quite a few younger girls got pregnant outside of marriage. In a strange way I was upset, because these girls sinned and got so much attention… and here I was trying to do the right thing and I felt like I was invisible and didn’t get attention at all for being “good”. Fast forward a few years- I went on eharmony.com because I heard the commercials every day at lunch while listening to Rush… I signed up, but soon my free month was over and nothing happened- I just got blocked out by most of the guys that I was matched with that looked promising. Then out of nowhere almost six months later I get an email from one of matches… Of course, it was Tony… We had a long distance relationship with visits every two months or so, for the next year and a half. We got engaged with my parents blessing a little over a year after Tony first emailed me. Nearly another year went by and then Tony moved from his home in Washington State to Virginia... and four months before the wedding my father changed his mind because he could not shame and control Tony. ... My Dad tried to control Tony, as he had done to us- but Tony would have none of it. Two weeks before the wedding I just broke down- the only way I could go through with the wedding was if I could walk down the aisle alone. I had to be "real", I could not walk down with my Dad knowing what he had said and done and what he was still saying and doing! I rejoiced as much as I could under the circumstances on our wedding day. My one thought through it all was, "God has brought us together and satan will not win today!" I could almost feel the Spiritual battle that was going on, on our wedding day. It was a blessing that we were able to celebrate God's faithfulness to us on that day! ~ Soon after our wedding we closed on a house in Portsmouth. We moved to Portsmouth a truck load at a time for the next few months. Tony looked for work for four months… and we go no calls… What hard time that was! I was crying, fasting, wailing and praying for the first few months of our marriage. Thankfully Tony was eventually hired by Northrop Grumman and boy were we thankful! Tony has been working at Northrop Grumman for a little over a year now, and as you know God has blessed us with our dear son, Jackson. God is faithful and He continues to take care of us! To God be the Glory!
My Random Thoughts/ Advice to My Single Friends:
---Please know that God can and will bring you a spouse, if that is His Will for your life. ~ His timing is perfect, He cares for you and the place you are right now is right where He wants you. Wherever you are in your life, God is your Father, He sees you and is caring for you in such a beautiful way. It may not seem so beautiful to you right now, but in time it will all make sense. If not on this earth, then in Heaven you will see He loved you and was working through it all.
---Be thankful for the freedom of singleness, you have so much extra time right now that you can use to serve the Lord. ~ “But, Karen, everyone tells me that! Stop it!” Well, sorry, but it’s so true! I love my husband and I love my baby very much, but I cannot just run out the door to the store anymore! - I have to get the baby changed, fed, strapped in his car seat, get my two bags- lug it all out to my car, put the two huge bags in, put the baby in, and once I get where I’m going I have get the stroller out…etc etc. Going anywhere takes a lot of time. How many times have you thanked the Lord that you can go out quickly, whenever you wish?
--And now to my favorite reason: when you are married and have a baby you are always doing laundry and housework. ~ I have come to love doing laundry and housework ;-D (Well, I'm still working on it!)! I do one to three loads of laundry every day! When you use cloth diapers you have to laundry at least every other day ;). And there is always housework that needs to be done. We have little c.1919 built little home, but there is always at least one floor that needs to be cleaned. Being a wife and mother involves work... and there's not much glory in most of the work! No one comes to you and gushingly says, "Oh!!!! I just want to thank you so much for cleaning the floors, doing the dishes, caring for the baby, going grocery shopping with the baby and doing three loads of laundry!!!, that was so Christlike and humble of you!" LOL!!! ~You learn to do all these things as unto the Lord, and you learn to die to yourself daily. "Me time" is a thing of the past most of time! But it is a joy when you learn to accept your duties and do them with JOY and not complaining! (I'm preaching to myself here, too!!!)
--Face the fact that even when you get married you will spend time alone, and you will be lonely. Yes, did you see that!?!? When you are married there will be times where you are lonely! ~ Tony works nights (3:30 pm – 12 midnight) and I actually spend more time alone now, than when I was single. His working nights is character building for me! I can get into a pity-party pretty easily, but I try to remember military wives whose husbands are deployed for months at a time… and I realize that I should be thankful that I can at least see my husband for a few hours each day. ~ If your Dad always worked a 9 -5 job be prepared that your husband may not work those same hours. Understand it is not wrong or evil if your husband must work hours that you do not particularly like - Once again, it is God who has given your husband his job and God knows exactly what He is doing. See this as yet another area that you should to submit your will, agenda and expectations to God.
---No matter what season of life we are in, we desire to be in someone else’s! ~ Continually pray that God will help you be content in the season you are in. I have to do this often myself! I long for Tony to get moved to day shift and for Jackson to be weaned...but if/when both of those things happen will I will no longer be in the season I am in! It is okay to cry and feel lonely, but trust God and be thankful for the season He has placed you in... and enjoy it, for it will soon be over!
---Being married does not equal being happy. I know of quite few young women who got married and then they found out that their new husband wasn’t perfect, as they thought he was! ;-D!!! ~ Everyone has sin. Marriage is work. Living with another persons’ sins is hard. It’s hard enough dealing with your own sin, but seeing someone else sin in the same area over and over can be very upsetting! ~ Develop a heart that forgives and is not unrealistic. No matter who you marry they will disappoint you and hurt you, at some point. The beauty is learning to love and forgive and grow closer to Christ. Without the Holy Spirit, I do not know how anyone can stay married!
My Marriage Testimony:
I was homeschooled by my Mother from K-12. We went to a small church and I didn’t know many guys who were “potentials”, and the guys I did know (with a few exceptions) always were telling me, “Karen, you are weird!” The only other major male figure in my life was my Dad and he pretty much kept to himself most of the time, and really the only time he ever talked to me he was angry with me, or wanted money --- that coupled with hearing often from guys, that I was “weird” brought me to the conclusion early in my teens that I was unlovable and that I would have to change a lot and wait a long time before a guy could ever love me. There were a few guys that showed interest in me in my teens, but I had high standards, had done a lot of reading on courtship/ Christian relationships and by God’s Grace and the Holy Spirit’s help, I didn’t seek out a guy to make me feel better about myself… I knew that I needed to wait and trust God for my future. When I was 20 years old, in our small little church, all of a sudden, quite a few younger girls got pregnant outside of marriage. In a strange way I was upset, because these girls sinned and got so much attention… and here I was trying to do the right thing and I felt like I was invisible and didn’t get attention at all for being “good”. Fast forward a few years- I went on eharmony.com because I heard the commercials every day at lunch while listening to Rush… I signed up, but soon my free month was over and nothing happened- I just got blocked out by most of the guys that I was matched with that looked promising. Then out of nowhere almost six months later I get an email from one of matches… Of course, it was Tony… We had a long distance relationship with visits every two months or so, for the next year and a half. We got engaged with my parents blessing a little over a year after Tony first emailed me. Nearly another year went by and then Tony moved from his home in Washington State to Virginia... and four months before the wedding my father changed his mind because he could not shame and control Tony. ... My Dad tried to control Tony, as he had done to us- but Tony would have none of it. Two weeks before the wedding I just broke down- the only way I could go through with the wedding was if I could walk down the aisle alone. I had to be "real", I could not walk down with my Dad knowing what he had said and done and what he was still saying and doing! I rejoiced as much as I could under the circumstances on our wedding day. My one thought through it all was, "God has brought us together and satan will not win today!" I could almost feel the Spiritual battle that was going on, on our wedding day. It was a blessing that we were able to celebrate God's faithfulness to us on that day! ~ Soon after our wedding we closed on a house in Portsmouth. We moved to Portsmouth a truck load at a time for the next few months. Tony looked for work for four months… and we go no calls… What hard time that was! I was crying, fasting, wailing and praying for the first few months of our marriage. Thankfully Tony was eventually hired by Northrop Grumman and boy were we thankful! Tony has been working at Northrop Grumman for a little over a year now, and as you know God has blessed us with our dear son, Jackson. God is faithful and He continues to take care of us! To God be the Glory!
My Random Thoughts/ Advice to My Single Friends:
---Please know that God can and will bring you a spouse, if that is His Will for your life. ~ His timing is perfect, He cares for you and the place you are right now is right where He wants you. Wherever you are in your life, God is your Father, He sees you and is caring for you in such a beautiful way. It may not seem so beautiful to you right now, but in time it will all make sense. If not on this earth, then in Heaven you will see He loved you and was working through it all.
---Be thankful for the freedom of singleness, you have so much extra time right now that you can use to serve the Lord. ~ “But, Karen, everyone tells me that! Stop it!” Well, sorry, but it’s so true! I love my husband and I love my baby very much, but I cannot just run out the door to the store anymore! - I have to get the baby changed, fed, strapped in his car seat, get my two bags- lug it all out to my car, put the two huge bags in, put the baby in, and once I get where I’m going I have get the stroller out…etc etc. Going anywhere takes a lot of time. How many times have you thanked the Lord that you can go out quickly, whenever you wish?
--And now to my favorite reason: when you are married and have a baby you are always doing laundry and housework. ~ I have come to love doing laundry and housework ;-D (Well, I'm still working on it!)! I do one to three loads of laundry every day! When you use cloth diapers you have to laundry at least every other day ;). And there is always housework that needs to be done. We have little c.1919 built little home, but there is always at least one floor that needs to be cleaned. Being a wife and mother involves work... and there's not much glory in most of the work! No one comes to you and gushingly says, "Oh!!!! I just want to thank you so much for cleaning the floors, doing the dishes, caring for the baby, going grocery shopping with the baby and doing three loads of laundry!!!, that was so Christlike and humble of you!" LOL!!! ~You learn to do all these things as unto the Lord, and you learn to die to yourself daily. "Me time" is a thing of the past most of time! But it is a joy when you learn to accept your duties and do them with JOY and not complaining! (I'm preaching to myself here, too!!!)
--Face the fact that even when you get married you will spend time alone, and you will be lonely. Yes, did you see that!?!? When you are married there will be times where you are lonely! ~ Tony works nights (3:30 pm – 12 midnight) and I actually spend more time alone now, than when I was single. His working nights is character building for me! I can get into a pity-party pretty easily, but I try to remember military wives whose husbands are deployed for months at a time… and I realize that I should be thankful that I can at least see my husband for a few hours each day. ~ If your Dad always worked a 9 -5 job be prepared that your husband may not work those same hours. Understand it is not wrong or evil if your husband must work hours that you do not particularly like - Once again, it is God who has given your husband his job and God knows exactly what He is doing. See this as yet another area that you should to submit your will, agenda and expectations to God.
---No matter what season of life we are in, we desire to be in someone else’s! ~ Continually pray that God will help you be content in the season you are in. I have to do this often myself! I long for Tony to get moved to day shift and for Jackson to be weaned...but if/when both of those things happen will I will no longer be in the season I am in! It is okay to cry and feel lonely, but trust God and be thankful for the season He has placed you in... and enjoy it, for it will soon be over!
---Being married does not equal being happy. I know of quite few young women who got married and then they found out that their new husband wasn’t perfect, as they thought he was! ;-D!!! ~ Everyone has sin. Marriage is work. Living with another persons’ sins is hard. It’s hard enough dealing with your own sin, but seeing someone else sin in the same area over and over can be very upsetting! ~ Develop a heart that forgives and is not unrealistic. No matter who you marry they will disappoint you and hurt you, at some point. The beauty is learning to love and forgive and grow closer to Christ. Without the Holy Spirit, I do not know how anyone can stay married!
1 comment:
Thanks, Karen, for you wisdom. I so enjoyed reading your and Tony's "story!" Your words were very encouraging and provoking. It makes me want to thank God more for the season of life that I am in right now rather than grow anxious about my future. Jacquelun Korday
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